How many times have you found yourself in a situation where you are two weeks from the next tiny income you are expecting and with no money in the pocket and not even a sign of breadcrumbs on the shelf to lick them off? Admit it, the stone hard bread you didn’t wanted to eat over at your mama’s would be awesome now. And let’s face it; once that little amount of money comes, it will be a party time. “Rehabilitation in the form of beer” here I come. Been there done that. But yeah, humans have to eat, at least from time to time and at these hungry times you’ll have to pull out the big guns and get creative. Theoretically, you are more creative once the resources are limited so let’s get down to business. You’ll have to learn how to eat with no money at all.
Invite yourself over at friend’s
We all have those friends with who we have nothing in common with and who often come into our lives without taking their shoes off and heading straight to the fridge, down to the couch to fart all over it, fuck up the remote control and then leave. So this should be simple. Just become one of them. Now you also need to be careful and change the friend you are inviting yourself over to. Keep a rule: one friend – one month. The more friends you have the more days you can survive. You don’t want to become a “guy on the couch”. Although if you have an offer, just go for it since this can also save you the rent money.
He knows what I am talking about
Attend events which promise at least some kind of snack
“Heeey maan, happy birthday! Long time no see.”
–“Excuse me, who are you?”
“It’s me, Dan, remember? We went to dendrology lessons together. Nice crib, nice crib. When did you move in here? How come you don’t remember me? We used to have so much fun with the wacky professor, hmm, how was he called? Wooow, you’ve got an aquarium, are those fishes real?”.
Let him feel sorry for not remembering you, although you never spoke a word with him. The more you talk and switch topics the more likely he is to quit and just let you in. And once he’s tired of discussion, feel the pleasure of the free pizza melting in your mouth. Make sure you have your backpack if the amounts are good and the pizza is good enough to stay for a day or two.
Ask for left overs in a local restaurant
I know what are you thinking? “How embarrassing is that?” However, it doesn’t have to be. You just have to ask the right question. Approach the staff in the restaurant by asking them for some food for a poor dog around the corner. They’ll be generous, trust me. You can also use the nearby homeless as a reference; however, most likely he is already using this service. For sure he is more creative than you and already knows how to eat with no money. However, people are generous when it comes to animals, so it’s going to work. “Keep filling, it’s a big dog”.
Food grows on the trees
This is a bit harder in you live in a city centre where there are not a lot of trees or gardens. But, if you take your time to go a little bit further into suburbs you could be in luck. There is a village close by? Even better! Lots of apples and pears grow there. Basically, this one is a basic one when you want to eat with no money. Take your biggest backpack and go hunting. Don’t go to the same place twice, there might be an angry owner waiting for you! They are usually governed by the “Culprit returns to the scene of the crime”.
You are only limited by your imagination, and as Shia LaBeouf says “Nothing is impossible!” Remember two things. If any of the above mentioned advice didn’t work, it’s because you didn’t try good enough. And, if you feel embarrassed by doing any of these you are not hungry enough.
Let the hunger games begin!